One Year Later

It's been a little over a year since we lost my mom and while the crying has eased - although I still have my "cry like it was yesterday" moments - the pain hasn't.  I still miss her like crazy and truly can't believe she's gone.  The hole in my heart has not closed and the ache in my chest is still here.  I find it hard to believe that it will ever go away.  She was just way too young and is missing too much of the life she was supposed to lead.  In spite of this, I know she would not be okay with me dwelling on what should have been.  She'd want me to pick up the pieces and continue forward, building my life with my little family.  It's this thought that has made me want to blog again.  This was meant to be for my kids anyway, to document their lives.  My mom would not want that to stop.  So, here I go again.  I'm going to try and catch up on the last year and post the big events.  But first, just one more story to share.

When I saw my mom the Sunday before her last stroke - two days before she died - she was happy to be able to shower again (she couldn't shower while in the ICU).  When we were leaving, I kissed her on the forehead and said "You look good and smell clean."  I could hear her and her roommate laughing as I left the room.  I spoke to her two more times that day and the last time we talked, which would also be the last time I would ever hear her voice, she told me something I will always remember.  She said was amazed at Audrey, how smart she was and how she was so eager to please.  She went on to tell me that she thought Bill and I were good parents.  It was as if she knew she'd never have a chance to tell me again.

Here's the "herky jerky" guy that she said she always wanted at her funeral.  I've only seen 2 or 3 since this day and I instantly think of my mom. 

I love you, Mom, forever and always,

Your baby girl