My Mom's Funeral and Eulogy

My mom's funeral was yesterday and one of the hardest parts during the service was right at the beginning when the song O Holy Night played.  Yes, the Christmas carol.  It was my mom's favorite Christmas song and she always told us that she wanted the song played at her funeral.  I can't tell you how many times she told me that.  Just this past Christmas I asked her which version, Josh Groban or who?  It kills me that I can't remember her answer but I want to say that she didn't necessarily want Josh Groban, besides, she had been telling us this before he even existed on the music scene.  We listened to many versions over the past few days (specifically to make sure the "fall on your knees" part was powerful - my mom's favorite part) and ultimately went with Bing Crosby.  It's a classic.  We must have listened to it half a dozen times and then again on Saturday at the funeral home to make sure it sounded okay.  But yesterday, when the service started and the song played, it hit me that this was it.  No more her just telling me something to remember far in the future, no more dress rehearsals to pick the song and make sure it was okay.  This was it, the real deal, the moment she'd been planning for.  It was surreal and truly felt like a nightmare situation that you're watching play out but there's nothing you can do to stop it.  It was impossible to handle.

It's really such a shame that it takes a death and funeral for people to get reunited and speak of the deceased with such love.  Why can't we live our lives in the now and keep in touch with our friends and tell them what they mean to us?  So many people came from Lima, Ohio where I was born and my parents lived over 25 years ago.  It had been that long since my parents even saw some of those people and yet they had such wonderful things to say about my mom and shared in our tears.  Other people told me life altering events that occurred because of my mom or that my mom helped them through difficult times and yet my mom never knew she had such an impact.  My dad got in touch with his best man from 40 years ago, whom he hasn't seen in 30.  They're making plans to see each other this summer.  If this has taught me anything it's to cherish your friends and loved ones and never let a chance go by to tell them how you feel.  Make sure they know if they've affected you positively in some way.  Don't wait until their funeral to share the stories. 

I gave a eulogy and actually held it together until right at the very end.  Many people came up and told me that if they were in my shoes, they couldn't have done it.  I don't know how I did it either but it was something I felt like I just had to do.  I had to tell everyone how great my mom was if they didn't know already.  I owed it to her to tell the world what I knew about her and what made her special.  If I wasn't going to do it then, when was I?  It may not all make sense out of context and it's missing my sarcasm and inflection but here it is:

I would like to thank you all for coming. Looking around the room, I am amazed at the number of lives my mom has touched. Although, I really shouldn't be surprised.

My mom was the type of person to go above and beyond the ordinary – when a friend was sick in the hospital, she didn't just send one Get Well card – she sent one a day; when my brother's neighbor, a woman my mom didn't know very well, had a time of need, she didn't just send her condolences across the driveway, she brought them food; she didn't just love and protect her own family, she loved and treated everyone as if they were family. I've heard many stories from people in the last few days of how my mom was like a second mom to them – I never realized so many people felt that way towards her and I'm so glad that we weren't the only ones who thought she was amazing.

I thought I would share with you some stories about my mom so you could really get to know her.

First, let me address the yellow guy you passed on your way in here today. For years, my mom has always said that she wanted what she called a “herky jerky guy” at her funeral. We have since found out that they are called “Air Dancers” and my brother scoured the internet for one and came across this guy on a website with the name LINDA down it.  He quickly bought it and I think she's thrilled right now.

When my brother and I were little, our friends always knew that our refrigerator would be jammed packed with food and that according to them, my mom made the best brownies ever. She probably wouldn't be happy with me for sharing this but the brownies....were out of a box.

Every morning, she cooked my dad breakfast. She packed our lunches for school every day and we had a homemade family dinner together every night. We were even lucky enough to try new recipes know as experimental dinners, such as Experimental Dinner #43.

Christmas was her absolute favorite holiday and she'd shop for presents year round. Once Christmas came, it was always extremely over the top and overflowing with presents but she didn't care because she loved it and that's how she wanted it to be – magical for everyone.

When my mom was growing up, she wished she had a pet monkey but ultimately developed an unquenchable love for giraffes. One Christmas I remember going to see the Lights at the Zoo and the giraffes were walking about. One stuck it's head out of it's enclosure, over the crowd and sniffed my mom's head. I thought she was going to burst with excitement.

Through the years, she's loved her family pets – dogs Spuddie and Smokey Joe and cats Julie, Fiona and the newest addition, Chloe. Chloe was a rescue and had only been in the house a week or two when she accidentally sent my dad flying head first down a flight of stairs, landing him at the hospital. My mom felt terrible but kept the cat anyway.

She was quite the shopper and a sucker for a bargain. You'd get things from her you never even knew you needed. She and her granddaughter Mallory would go on a big annual shopping excursion and I know both of them always looked forward to it. I, myself, have been conditioned to the point that I can't purchase a single top or pair of pants without needing my mom's input. What I'm going to do now, I have no idea.

My mom recently joined this little known thing called Facebook and was quickly hooked, okay, somewhat obsessed. She was thrilled to be able to catch up on what everyone was doing in their lives and loved to post her snappy little comments.

As many of you here today know firsthand, my mom loved her friends. She was always telling me about the latest email she had received or phone call she had. Throughout the years, she bowled on leagues with friends, had Saturday Night Live parties back in the 70s when the show was still good, watched the show Twin Peaks over coffee and cherry pie, went to musicals and concerts and traveled to Florida and Hilton Head where they would all have a blast.

And while she was so quick to do anything for anyone, she was so careful never to be a perceived nuisance to anyone else. She would call my brother, her own son, from his driveway to let him know she was there instead of just showing up on their doorstep. Or, she'd take them her latest shopping haul when they weren't home so as not to bother them. Even over the last few weeks when we were visiting her in the hospital or rehab center, she was kicking us out the door shortly after we'd arrive so we wouldn't waste our time there.

When my mom found out I was pregnant, she burst into tears, not a reaction I was expecting, and told me that the baby gave her a new lease on life. She turned her guest room into a nursery, complete with a crib and changing table, and made sure she always had diapers and essentials on hand. When our daughter Audrey was born, my mom fell madly in love. So much so that after my mom's first stroke when she was still in the hospital, hooked up to many machines and not totally coherent, when she saw Audrey come into the room for the first time, she was struggling to get out of bed so badly so she could hold Audrey that we had to hold her back in bed.  She didn't understand why she couldn't hold her.

My mom and I spoke on the phone every day, sometimes even multiple times a day.  What tempurature for the pot roast?  What do I do about Audrey?  Am I going crazy?  She was my best friend, confidant, and person I most looked to for advice and guidance. I am going to miss her terribly.

And finally, my mom was a fighter. God obviously needed her in a bad way because He tried to take her three times before this. The first time was in 2003 when she had a heart stent put in. The stent caused a clot to form and her heart stopped. She had to be resuscitated and suffered broken ribs from the manual CPR efforts after the defibulator didn't work but she obviously proved that she wasn't going down easily. Then in the last 5 weeks, after both her first and second strokes, she fought back again. She worked extremely hard in rehab to regain her strength to walk again and worked in notebooks to read and write again. Her efforts were paying off and she was actually doing very well. Why the third stroke or any of this happened, we'll never know but we do know that she's with God now and watching over all of us.

We will miss you, mom, and think about you every day. We can only hope to have the same positive impact on our families' and friends' lives as you did. You led by example and inspire us all to be better people and strive for fuller lives. We love you with all our heart.